It’s been a while.. again..

A lot has time has passed since I last logged in here. Mother’s Day, the first anniversary and her birthday have all happened.

I’ve avoided the blog, because quite often it makes me sad to sit down and put my emotions into words. There’s also my feelings outside of the grief, and at times - they haven’t been easy on me either.

Something I’ve been contending with is how much my life has changed recently. My husband and I have moved to a whole new country (Wales counts as emigrating right?), I have a job I’ve always dreamed of, and I finally got the dog I’ve always wanted.

Yet she’ll never know any of this.

Often I feel like I’m moving further away from her life, and that’s hard to manage. In some ways, it’s easier. I’m not haunted by places she and I would go, and I don’t have to worry about being caught off guard by bumping into to people who knew her.

Yet these anniversaries and passing milestones just take me further away from her. From her laugh, her touch, her life. I dread them. I hate the increasing time and space between us,

I hated the time when she just went, but I felt her around then. Now she’s becoming a memory - one I fear that people are already forgetting.